The Weirdo Life:
How to Break Free from Society's Expectations and Find Happiness
Last week, I was let go from my full time office job with zero notice and no plan. So what is a ghoul to do when her savings are low, her part time job isn’t going to pay the bills and the pretty little plan she had has been washed down the drain?
She has multiple panic attacks and cries in her closet, of course.
After the dust had settled and my partner in crime talked me down enough to start really looking at the situation, I realized that as terrifying as this is right now, my happiness was not tied to sitting in an office all day. As much as I had, for a short time, enjoyed the routine, every time I put on my “normal human being” disguise and left the comfort of my weird little life to be someone I wasn’t, I was letting other people tell me what my happiness should look like.
I don’t know about you, but the angsty teenage riot girl that still lives in my heart isn’t a big fan of other people telling her what to do.
So, I shifted my mindset into one of hope.
I started digging deep and finding out what I was looking for out of my life and it became clear.
I like helping people.
I like creating things that make people smile.
I LIKE BEING A WEIRDO.
Being a weirdo doesn’t have rules or templates. It’s about leaning into the things that make you unique and using that to find a happier, more fulfilled life. It’s about finding skills that you think matter and letting your true self shine through in everything you do.
Now before we get into all this, let me clarify; I am not an expert. I don’t have all the answers and what works for me might not be an exact fit for what works for you… and that’s ok! Did you know that when they were trying to design a universal seat for fighter jets that after taking measurements to find the perfect average, not ONE pilot was happy with the seat placement? Because no one is 100% average and ONE SIZE DOES NOT FIT ALL.
So, with that in mind, here are a few helpful tips for helping you find the way towards your Weirdo Life!
suggested weirdo tune to set the mood:
Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen) by Baz Luhrmann
(This actually is a song that I show people I care about when they are feeling lost and like they don’t know what to do with their lives. It definitely lived a short life as a corny graduation song, but hey, I think it’s got some good advice and I like what a positive message it sends!)
Define Your Own Success: Ask Your Ghost!
Growing up I was sure I was going to be a famous… something. I never really did get around to nailing down exactly what I was going to be famous for. I changed that answer more often than my socks as a kid because everytime I thought I had it figured out, I found something else that I loved. I learned more and more that even though I was told that I had to go to college for a degree I didn’t care about so I could meet a nice man and settle down with 2.5 kids and a white picket fence to be successful, it didn’t feel right. For me, the thought of that actually being my life would be a failure.
Look at the world around you and try to define what your version of “successful” is. Ignore society’s definition of success and focus on what truly matters to you. Sometimes when I’m trying to really center in and focus on what I think it is, I imagine I am a ghost at my own funeral. I try to picture everyone in my life being there and imagine what would be the one thing they would say about me if I had led my dream life and done everything exactly the way I wanted to.
I’d want people to say I helped them feel seen, that I had been someone who built them up when they were low and helped them through a hard time. I would have helped rescue animals from bad situations and found them loving homes. That I inspired them to do something off the wall and it helped them admire the world in a new way. So when I began to internalize some of those messages and see them as pieces of a puzzle, I noticed the same trends appearing over and over in the imagined eulogies of my life.
My personal definition of success is to try and leave a thing better than you found it.
Reflect on your values, passions, and aspirations. Ignore all the pretty window dressing in life and use them as a compass to guide your decisions and actions. If you lived your life exactly the way you wanted to, what would be the one thing that needed to be said by people at your funeral? Be the kind of person your ghost would be proud of.
Challenge Limiting Beliefs: Gravity is Optional
Identify limiting beliefs that may be holding you back from living like you want to. I spent years thinking I was crazy as a teenager because my body hurt all the time. I’d sleep for 16 hours a day and still be exhausted. I’d have days where it felt like my brain and my mouth couldn’t get the timing right.
When I was 22, I walked into a doctor’s office and told him that if this was the way I was supposed to feel all the time, I would kill myself before I made it to 30.
Because I honestly believed I would and realized that my fear of being thrown back into a mental health clinic for saying it out loud to someone might end up making it come true.
Six months later, after way too many vials of blood and countless tests, I was diagnosed with a wonderfully delightful double whammy of Fibromyalgia and Rheumatoid Arthritis… which had been feeding off each other continuously since my first flare up at the beginning of puberty.
It was the best news I ever got. Because for a long time I believed it when doctor’s told me it was “just growing pains” or “teenage hormones”. I believed them over what I felt every single day and I was so afraid of being judged for speaking up, that I went over 10 years without a diagnosis or symptom management. Often, societal norms and expectations create a fear of failure or judgment in us that make us doubt ourselves. Replacing these beliefs with empowering thoughts that affirm your ability to create your own path can help you find your own way.
For me, a big hurdle of challenging my limiting beliefs was getting in better shape. I had loved dance and gymnastics as a kid, but as my symptoms got worse, it became more and more rare that I would go break a sweat doing anything. I hated the gym, my joints screamed any time I would take stairs and slowly I watched my weight climb and the pain get worse. I felt lost because I believed that I had to follow the rules everyone else did when it came to getting healthy.
Until I asked myself,
“…but why?”
Why did I have to go to the gym? Why did I have to run or jog? Why did I have to starve myself by eating a tiny portion of something I hate to count calories? I started exploring alternative fitness options that night and became captivated by a local burlesque troupe that featured a few aerialists. It was as if lightning had struck me- I didn’t hate working out, I hated working out ON THE GROUND. I didn’t “hate” the gym, I hated GRAVITY! I wanted to be fit, but I wanted gravity to be optional.
You know that part time job I mentioned earlier in the post? I now teach aerial silks and hammock at a local studio and help others find a different way to get active because gravity is optional once you build the strength to get there! When taking the road less traveled remember that sometimes you might find success when you look up instead.
Embrace Uncertainty: Why Not?
Breaking free from the average life often involves stepping into the unknown and embracing uncertainty. This message has been a personal struggle for me throughout my life because I’ll be the first one to admit that I have some deep rooted control issues that at some point I’m going to need to figure out. What typically has happened for me is I’ll get comfortable in a routine and I’ll let more and more things that make me unhappy become a part of my life and I let that resentment build in me until I do something drastic.
Like leaving college to be a full time on the road artist.
Or cut all of my hair off and dump whoever I’m dating.
Or leave my comfy New Orleans swamp life to live alone in the desert with my dogs.
… I can’t decide if it’s funny or scary how many examples I have for this one.
My mom used to work at a nature preserve teaching kids when I was young and when she transitioned into a more typical 9-to-5 she kept wearing all of the crazy nature socks she got from the kids. Even now, I would bet she has less than 5 pairs of typical “boring” socks. I asked her once why she kept wearing the silly socks after all these years and without even pausing, she shrugged her shoulders and smiled, saying “I like ‘em. Why not?”
As I’ve gotten a little older I think about that response more and more. Why NOT wear the fun socks? What will happen to you if you wear them? Is a rampaging horde of villagers with pitchforks going to tie you to a stake? Maybe, but that seems like there may just be a time travel issue and you got bigger problems at that point.
Understand that taking risks and venturing outside your comfort zone is a natural part of growth, but also give yourself a break. You don’t need to run off and join the circus tomorrow, because that probably isn’t super feasible in the long run. However, you can shrug your shoulders, smile, and say “Why Not?” when you get an opportunity to try something different or wear what makes you feel good.
Embrace the possibilities that come with uncertainty and view them as opportunities for learning and personal growth. I have found some of the most beautiful things in my life were when I put on the damn socks.
Practice Self-Compassion: Be Your Own Man’s Best Friend
Be kind and compassionate towards yourself as you embrace your quirks. It’s a long road and there are plenty of ups and downs. I know that there are plenty of times where I fall flat on my face… a couple of times LITERALLY. Expecting yourself to be perfect isn’t realistic and in the long run it’s only going to slow down your adventure.
Sometimes when I get frustrated with myself about something, I talk to my inner dog. Yes, it’s weird. Yes, it works for me.
My inner dog is a mix of our little pack of pups and it talks in the biggest, doofiest voice. I like to call it Woofie. I ask what Woofie thinks about me and I imagine what my pups would say.
You’re the GREATEST!
I love you more than ANYTHING!
I’m under the covers because I need to be RIGHT NEXT to YOU for bed!
(This 100% happens at home every night. Let’s be honest, it’s THEIR house.)
Dogs don’t care that you aren’t perfect. They love you for just being you and taking care of them. If they don’t care that you’re weirdo, why should you? Accept that it’s okay to be different and that you don’t have to conform to societal expectations to be happy. If your inner dog is being fed, has covers to sleep under, and is happy, why shouldn’t you let yourself be too?
Treat yourself with that love and understanding. Self-compassion can be hard to do sometimes, especially when things don’t go as expected. Take it as slow as you need and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Celebrate the little victories towards happiness like clapping when your dog brings back the ball.
You can mess up and your Woofie still loves you.
TL;DR
Finding your Weirdo Life is a personal journey, and it may not always be a straight line to get there. People won’t always understand why you like being different, but you can’t change how they view the world, only how you do. Trust in yourself, choose kindness to others, and be patient with the process. I have found that if you are kind to people and treat them like they might be a weirdo too, it’s a lot harder for people to argue with the impact you made on those around you. In the long run, it says more about the other person that they care more about who you are than what you do. By defining your own version of success and embracing your uniqueness, you can create a fulfilling and happy life on your own terms.
